You Have Worth

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.              

     Dietrich Bonhoeffer       

There is nothing you could ever say or do that would make us love you any less. 

These are the words we both try to offer in every way we can to others who are afraid to open up about their lives.  So many of us struggle with burdens, secrets and shame.  These are burdens that carry a heavy weight, an often crippling load, that keeps us from living life well.  A life of joy, of hope, of love, of peace.  We try to offer others a place where they can share anything and everything they have to.  A place that enables them to begin to overcome their fears, their wounds, their mistakes, their pain.  And we say::

• to the young man struggling with pornographic addiction,
• to the expectant mother who is carrying the child of a man who is not her husband,
• to the grandfather who sexually abused his granddaughter,
• to the people who are so angry with God because they feel God has let them down and even betrayed them,
• to the man who is so angry over his wife’s affair that he dreams about pummeling the other guy,
• to the man or woman who is struggling with sexual identity,
• to the person who is covering up a mistake at work that is costing the firm and its clients millions of dollars,
• to the soldier who is wracked with guilt over some of the actions she had to take in war,
• to the student who cheated on an important final exam in order to get into college,
• to the husband who is cheating on his wife and living a double life …

There is nothing you could ever say or do that would make us love you any less. 

You are worthy of love. 

You are worthy of another chance. 

You are worthy of forgiveness. 

You are worthy. 

You are human. 

You deserve all the support you need to overcome your fear, your wounds, your mistakes, your pain.

 Condemnation and withering judgments ultimately do more harm than good.  They do not help anyone.   But when we can approach with grace and compassion those who are challenged and who struggle with their life’s circumstances they are freely allowed to open up about their issues.  And then they are able to begin to heal.     

Each of us has the tendency to see others’ “faults”.  It’s all too easy for us to criticize and condemn and to make ourselves seem better by identifying others’ “sins”, “problems” or “issues”.   Pointing out the “faults” of others is a common way of making us feel better about ourselves.  It’s a symptom of our own insecurity and shame.    

But that rarely does any good.

We have found in our own experience and our own understanding that positive change and healing come much better when personal condemnation is not part of the equation.  When we are given the security and freedom to openly express, without fear, who we are, where we are vulnerable, where we feel weak, where we struggle, where we are insecure, and where we feel we don’t measure, we can begin to experience understanding and transformation where they are necessary. 

We believe that we are all born with worth, with potential and with goodness.   And when we approach everyone with that basic belief—and they know it—we begin to have much more honest dialogue and growth. 

That is the path to healing.  That is the path to mending broken hearts.  That is the path to releasing the toxic powers keeping us from the joy, the hope, the love and the peace that we believe we are all born to have.

Photo by Lili Popper on Unsplash