You Can't Judge A Book By It's Cover

Don’t judge a book by its cover when you don’t understand what that person’s been through.

     Corrie Louise Rose

 Several months ago we set up a meeting with a prosperous businessman.  We met him in his office and assumed the meeting would be a short one and that we would stick to ‘business’.  We prepared our discussion points about the mission of Someone To Tell It To and how his business could be supportive to make it possible.     By every outward appearance he is a successful.   Athletic.  Articulate.  Able.  He is intelligent and well-versed in his field.   His office is decorated comfortably and his clientele is impressive.  One look at him and you would think he has it all together.

 Except that he doesn’t.

 The meeting started off smoothly.  He asked how we were doing and how the non-profit has been progressing since we spoke last.  We then asked him how he was doing and how his business is running—expecting that the answer would be a short and positive one—and that we would quickly move on to ‘business’ matters.  But within mere minutes the conversation took an unexpected turn.  As we caught up about the holidays we learned that his weren’t so good.  A particular comment triggered an intense, emotional reaction.  The reaction debilitated him.  It dredged up long-buried memories and deeply-powerful feelings.  They upset him, frightened him, and filled him with uneasiness.  They forced him to face issues from his childhood that he preferred not to face.  They compelled him to give voice to experiences that he preferred not to talk about. 

 But it was too late.  His memory was opened and there was no turning back.  Now that it had all come to the surface it couldn’t be ignored.  It had to be reconciled.  And if it wasn’t, well, he would agonize even more.  As past traumas were dredged up and made painfully raw, his life nearly came to a standstill.    He was living a quiet, private hell, one he’d been carrying for a lifetime.  But from the outside, no one could see that he was.

 We cannot really know what someone else is living, especially if we never take the time to listen.  Without investing intentionally in someone else’s life we won’t see or hear and experience with them the true essence of who they are.  Without being interested in all of it – the joys, the sorrows, the blessings and the burdens – we will never truly know who they truly are.  Yet, when we enter in, take the time and make the investment in another’s story, we grow more sensitive, supportive and encouraging, which is what all of need from one another.

 It would have been much easier to stick strictly to business that day with that man.  It would have been more comfortable to remain on the surface, to deal with the issues of finances and company needs.  But it wouldn’t have been better. 

 Relationships were deepened that day – and one more glimmer of healing was seen – when the business at hand was set aside for a while and more important business was cared for. 

 The business of knowing one another, of being willing to open up the cover that leads to a rich story, a compelling narrative that we all need to share, that strengthens the bonds between us. 

 One of our favorite quotes that we refer to often comes from one of our favorite people, a true saint, Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers).  Mr. Rogers use to say:

 If you only knew someone’s story, you couldn’t help but love them.

 Isn’t that true for all of us?  If others really knew who we were on the inside, knowing our true vulnerabilities, our insecurities, our wounds, our pains, they couldn’t help but have empathy for us. 

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash