Why Do We Label People?

We put labels on life all the time. ‘Right,’ ‘wrong’, ‘success’, ‘failure’, ‘lucky’, ‘unlucky’ may be as limiting a way of seeing things as ‘diabetic’, ‘epileptic’, manic-depressive’, or even ‘invalid’.
Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

Dr. Remen is on to something. We use labels liberally and their prolific use can too often be limiting to those we label and to us.

She goes on to write:

Labeling sets up an expectation of life that is often so compelling we can no longer see things as they really are. The expectation often gives us a false sense of familiarity toward something that is really new and unprecedented. We are in relationship with our expectations and not with life itself.
… a label is an attempt to assert control and manage uncertainty. It may allow us the security and comfort of a mental closure and encourage us not to think about things again. But life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure.

Why do we label people?

What compels us to define ourselves and others by often narrow parameters, putting us into categories because of our jobs, looks, religion or race? Is it because it’s easier? Is it because going beneath the surface may take us to uncomfortable places? That going deeper into the core of our own or someone’s being may threaten our cherished beliefs or challenge our expectations?

Is it simpler to put ourselves and others into boxes of predetermined ideas? Is it easier to think we really know ourselves and others than to actually know them, genuinely and intimately?

It seems for most of us that it is.

But really, it is not.

How many times have you been labeled –‘slow’, ‘fat’, ‘bad’, ‘selfish’, ‘lazy’, ‘incompetent’? How has it felt? How has it held you back, kept you down? Have those labels – and countless more – made you feel unworthy, insignificant, ashamed, disregarded, suspect? Have they made you feel restricted, inauthentic, imprisoned?

Think about it.

When have labels hurt you and kept you from being who you really are? When have they sent the message that you are simply not respected? Considered worthy of goodness? Loved?

We wonder, how have the labels we place kept one another from truly being who we are meant and gifted to be? How much of life’s wonder, joy, beauty and goodness have we actually missed because our labels have blinded us to what is actually within and around?

One of the labels that we’ve experienced as most difficult to bear personally is that of “pastor”. When people hear that we are trained pastors and have served in churches, they make certain assumptions about who we are and what we believe. They assume we are against certain things and for others. They’re often wrong. They assume that pastors have narrow interests and often rigid opinions. They many times don’t see us as fully human – with emotions, fears, needs and challenges just like everyone else.

A few years ago I (Michael) officiated at a wedding and then attended the reception that followed. Seated next to a man who had strong opinions on many subjects, the conversation was certainly entertaining. I had an interesting time listening to him and sharing my own observations on many of the issues he brought up. At one point during the conversation he paused and said this to me:

You know, you’re the first pastor I’ve ever talked to who didn’t make me want to vomit!

I had never received a “compliment” like that one before. Bombastic as it was, though, I actually enjoyed it. He saw me as likable, easy to talk with, and as human. But it was too bad that he didn’t see other pastors before me in the same way. The label, negative, was obviously a hard one to shake.

We’ve also had other conversations with those who have immediately thought that we have associations with certain political parties based on labels we’ve been given. People assume that we won’t be open to listening to them and their struggles because they believe that we will automatically be judgmental or critical. This is just one of the labels that we’ve dealt with. But there certainly have been many others, labels that all of us have dealt with and been hurt by in one way or another.

How have labels hurt or affected you?

Photo by Matt Briney on Unsplash