The question leaders most want (and need to be!) asked

On a brisk morning, November 4th, 1865, The Saturday Press published a poem entitled O’ Captain! My Captain! Walt Whitman, the author of the poem, greatly moved by the assassination of the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, put his pen to paper a few days prior trying to capture the unimaginable loss the nation was experiencing.  In the midst of the Civil War, Walt Whitman had moved to Washington, D.C., working for the U.S. government and volunteering at hospitals; there he could see the intense melancholy on people’s faces on street corners, in marketplaces, even in the local bars where people often went – in the words of present-day singer and songwriter Billy Joel, “to forget about life for a while.”  Unfortunately, news of Lincoln’s assassination was inescapable and therefore couldn’t be forgotten about–even for a little while.  The poem, upon its publication, quickly became an awe-inspiring literary work for generations, as it truly captured the grueling task of leading a nation:    

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

                      But O heart! heart! heart!

                         O the bleeding drops of red,

                            Where on the deck my Captain lies,

                               Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

                      Here Captain! dear father!

                         This arm beneath your head!

                            It is some dream that on the deck,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,

From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;

                      Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                         But I with mournful tread,

                            Walk the deck my Captain lies,

                               Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman, in the poem, uses the metaphor of a beat-up, bruised, brutalized Captain, who has guided a ship to a specific destination at a specific time in history–giving his all for a noble mission–just as President Lincoln had done for the abolition of slavery–having suffered greatly in the process.  

Future President Theodore Roosevelt attempted to capture what it’s like for those who have taken up this same mantle of leadership–when he wrote:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Throughout history the leaders most often remembered, the leaders most often admired, the leaders most often emulated, are the leaders who entered the arena, marred by dust and sweat and blood.  Leaders, by nature, enter the arena because they are risk takers, innovators, visionaries, catalysts, and creatives.  Leaders see what others might not see and give sacrificially to make their dreams a reality–hoping to make the world better.  

Leaders also see and feel things deeply. Leaders are fully immersed in each–and every–season in the life of the mission.  When it’s sunny outside, leaders bask in the sunlight, celebrating with others new territories discovered together.  When it’s cold and dark and bleak in the middle of winter, leaders pull out a pair of binoculars and scan the horizon to find the next sunrise.  Leaders lose sleep because of how much they care.  

In recent weeks, we’ve also learned another important lesson about leadership.  As leaders, we, for the most part, know about every small leak in our respective boats; rarely, as Captains, are we unaware of the quarter size stone that punctured a floorboard, to the massive prospective iceberg–that could wallop–and then sink–the Titanic. We see all, we know all, we feel all.  

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The message arrived in our inbox totally out of the blue.  

I think I need to move on from the mission.  

As leaders, we have grown accustomed to expecting the unexpected.  Like Lewis and Clark exploring the new world, when you are embarking on something that has never been done before, new obstacles arise constantly.  But that doesn’t mean unexpected circumstances won’t cause added anxiety, pressure, and an overall state of unsettledness.  So when the message arrived in our inbox it heightened the discomfort we were already feeling on the inside.  

We remember hearing an interview with Future Hall of Fame Quarterback Tom Brady about what he had learned most about leadership in his career.  He stated that he had learned who he trusted and most wanted in his fox hole when things got tough.  He wanted those people who wouldn’t jump ship under pressure, rather, those who would give everything to help. 

When it feels like the ship might be sinking, instead of pointing out all of the holes in the boat, OR straight-up jumping overboard, how about ASKING one simple question, and then genuinely listening for a response?  

The question leaders most want and need to hear is a simple one: How can I help?  

I see our 3rd quarter sales are down.  How can I help?

You seem to be doing a lot of work outside of your areas of expertise. How can I help?

You seem to be having a difficult time getting a project through to the finish line. How can I help?

You seem uncertain about the future.  How can I help?

You seem like you are having difficulties with saying NO. How can I help?

One of the best gifts we can give another person is asking, “How can I help”, and then genuinely listening to understand the response.  The more we ask the question, the more we learn about another person, and the more helpful we can become.  Too often we jump in with solutions, quick fixes, magic bullets, without genuinely listening and trying to understand a response.  Or, we simply jump overboard, unwilling to get in the arena.  

But the more we ask – “How can I help?”, the more we encourage, sustain, and inspire others to stay in the arena and give of their best to make this world a better and better place for us all. 

Photo by Philippe Oursel on Unsplash