The Glue that Holds Life and Faith Together

Here is our fourth post based on the wonderful article the Top Five Regrets of the Dying.   This article gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to living life fully and abundantly.    We hope that you’ll be inspired by its wisdom and what it teaches us about what really matters in life.  Each day we are continuing to highlight one of the five regrets from the article.

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you.  Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted.  Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together    

     Jon Katz

 We have often heard that one of the greatest fears of those who are older is the fear of abandonment.  To near the end of one’s life and fear that we are all alone, without support, without companionship or without those who truly care, is to be in a very lonely place to be.   We know very well that friendship is a two-way street, that both persons in a true friendship make a concerted and intentional effort to keep the relationship strong and alive.  It takes determination to initiate a call or write a letter or compose an email or make a visit.   It takes strength to have grace and to forgive when there is hurt and disappointment.   It takes love to stay connected and involved in one another’s lives. 

 As we grow older and health concerns arise and mobility becomes a challenge, it can be even difficult to initiate or follow through with reaching out to a friend. 

 Friendships are absolutely a gift and are not meant to be taken for granted if we want them to continue.   They definitely take mutual effort and sacrifice, thoughtfulness and understanding, to stay strong and alive. 

 In one of our favorite books, the classic bestseller by Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: an Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson, a wonderful message is given by Morrie Schwartz, dying with ALS – Lou Gehrig’s Disease – about the importance of nurturing friendship throughout all our lives:

 “Mitch”, he continued, softly now, “you don’t understand.  I want to tell you about my life.  I want to tell you before I can’t tell you anymore”. 

 His voice dropped to a whisper.  “I want someone to hear my story.  Will you?”… 

 … The first time I saw Morrie on “Nightline”, I wondered what regrets he had once he knew his death was imminent.  Did he lament lost friends?  Would he have done much differently?  Selfishly, I wondered if I were in his shoes, would I be consumed with sad thoughts of all that I had missed?  Would I regret the secrets I had kept hidden? 

 When I mentioned this to Morrie, he nodded.  “It’s what everyone worries about, isn’t it?  What if today were my last day on earth?”  He studied my face, and perhaps he saw an ambivalence about my own chokes.  I had this vision of me keeling over at my desk one day, halfway through a story, my editors snatching the copy even as the medics carried my body away … 

 … “Mitch”, he said, “the culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die.  We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going.  So we don’t get in to the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all?  Is this all I want? Is something missing?” 

 He paused. 

 “You need someone to probe you in that direction.  It won’t just happen automatically”. 

 I knew what he was saying.  We all need teachers in our lives. 

 And mine was sitting in front of me. 

 It won’t just happen automatically.   Morrie Schwartz is so right. 

 We all have to work at it and we need others in our lives who can help us do that.  We need others to listen to our stories, to know us, to help remind us that our lives matter and that our experiences have meaning.

 Mother Teresa understood that too and her words remind us of the vital importance of having others in our lives who offer us connection:

 One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody. 

The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.