Safe

Remember this. Hold on to this. This is the only perfection there is, the perfection of helping others. This is the only thing we can do that has any lasting meaning. This is why we’re here. To make each other feel safe.

     Andre Agassi

Both of us have recently returned from wonderful vacations with our families.  Michael was at the Delaware shore and Tom in the New Hampshire mountains.  The time away was refreshing and full of relaxing fun.  We are both extremely grateful for the time to step back and restore ourselves.

What helped both of us and our wives to enjoy the time away was the caring concern of others around us.  For Michael that concern came from complete strangers.  For Tom it came from caring extended family members.  All from others who were sensitive to our needs.

From the very moment we (Michael’s family) took a step onto the beach, people stopped to ask if they could help us.  They saw that we had our hands full – with chairs, umbrellas, a cooler for snacks and drinks and our son Matthew who depended totally on my wife and me to steady him to walk on the sand.  I’ve written before how he loves the beach and is at his happiest when he’s there.  That’s especially why we go.  But he cannot walk well at all on the sand.  His gait is awkward and ponderous.  Without our support he would fall after just one step.  The trip across the sand to and from the water would have been relentlessly long and painful for each of us.  I guess it seemed obvious to each of those who asked if they could help that we literally had our hands full and could benefit from some assistance carrying all our things.   Their support made each day’s trek on and off the sand so much easier for us.

To be honest, even though we don’t like looking as if we can’t manage Matthew, we sure appreciated the kindness and outreach of everyone who offered.  And we took most of them up on their offers and are grateful we did.

With our four kids age six and under, including our nine-month old twin daughters, my wife and I (Tom) also had our hands full on our trip to the mountains.  We were there with some cousins and an aunt and uncle for a larger family time together.  It was our aunt and uncle, especially, who constantly stepped in to take the pressure off each day.  Staying in cabins in a state park, our uncle did all the cooking for the group, delicious meals.  It wasn’t just hot dogs and hamburgers that we would have made simply because they were easy.  But his were complete dinners that took time and planning to create.  He also planned outings and excursions that were fun and thoughtful for everyone in the family.  Our aunt helped with the babies every chance she got.  She entertained our older son and daughter when we needed it most and simply helped to make the week so much easier. 

For us, the week would not have been as refreshing and relaxing without their planning, consideration and extra hands.  Honestly, we could not have done it without them.  We, too, were very grateful for that help.  It was help that we really needed.

We encounter people who don’t seem concerned about the needs of those around them.   We all interact with those who seem centered only on themselves.  There is a lot of selfishness in the world.  But it’s not like that all the time.  There are more times than we can count, when we stop to count them, when people reach out to show concern and care and redeem a challenging situation.   We highlight these personal kindnesses to our families because they truly made difficult circumstances that could have broken and dampened our spirits and transformed them instead.    We hope that you will stop to think about those who redeem your challenging moments, who step up to help make a task easier, a burden lighter.   Those who help us deserve our thanks and our appreciation.  And maybe we can honor them best by taking notice of others’ needs around us and helping to redeem their days too. 

That’s what can help us all feel one of the things we all crave to feel – safe, that we are cared for and not in this all alone. 

Our own experience with loneliness, depression, and fear can become a gift for others, especially when we have received good care.  As long as our wounds are open and bleeding, we scare others away.   But after someone has carefully tended to our wounds, they no longer frighten us or others.  When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing.   Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters.

     Henri Nouwen

Photo by Eddy Billard on Unsplash