Honesty and Transparency

To be nobody but myself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me somebody else – means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight, and never stop fighting. 

     e.e. cummings

We have been talking with each other for several months.  Writing frequently, too.  Growing to know one another.    Building a rapport.  Establishing a trust.   Slowly he began to share who he is.  What defined him.  What was important.   And he began to tell us what troubled him, what brought pain to his life.  A heaviness hung over the conversations.   Loneliness and sadness tinged his writing. 

But suddenly one day it changed.  Immediately, as we talked, we heard the difference.  He was smiling, open, animated, expressive, like he had never been before.  He said, 

There’s something I want to tell you. 

It was about a fear he had, a profound one.  He had never done that before.   He was treading new ground with us, sharing this fear.  He was eager.  Suddenly, he had reached a place with us in which he was opening up, being transparent.  Dropping his reluctance to exposing his eccentricities, his idiosyncrasies, his quirks.  

He was a different man that day.

Why was that?  What made him so eager to share, to open up for us, to let us in behind the façade? 

We believe it’s because he grew to trust us.   We’ve spent all this time listening, not judging, showing him grace.  Allowing him to be who he is in his own way.   And now he is ready to truly let us in, to allow himself to begin to be free. 

He is a different man.  We like who we see. 

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.  Be honest and transparent anyway.  Mother Teresa

For a similar perspective from a therapist, check out this article – “Authentic Engagement” – from Psychology Today online.

Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash