Duct Tape and Practicing the Art of Contentment

When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.’

Dalai Lama

Following the birth of our (Tom’s) two girls we have had many more guests than normal visiting our home.  Sometimes it makes me feel self-conscious because our place isn’t very fancy–there are marker drawings on the walls, stains on the carpets, many things that need to be fixed, and if you look closely, duct tape holding a lot of our possessions (i.e. lampshades, slippers, seat cushions) together.  

Duct tape is a predominant part of the décor in my (Michael’s) house too.  My son Matthew, with his physical and intellectual disabilities is very rough on everything in the house.  Duct tape holds one of his wheel chairs together, it strengthens the gate across our front porch, it is strategically placed over certain drawers to keep him from opening and ransacking what is in them, it holds together the lamp that he broke in two just a few weeks ago. 

From the outside people looking in to our lives and homes might think there are a lot of things we lack—money, fancy cars, up-to-date technology, perfectly matching furniture and decorations, pristine carpets and walls, windows without fingerprints or don’t have spots of cold air blowing in them during the winter, fully stocked freezers or cabinets, lawns without weeds and crab grass—but we don’t see it that way.  

Sure, there are lots of “things” that we think would be nice to have.  And certainly, there are moments where we too long for the day when duct tape is no longer a necessary fix for everything that is broken, fallen apart, or weakened.  

But the fact is duct tape works; Duct tape holds a lot of things together and enables us to concentrate more on what really matters in our lives; its humbling in fact.  For we realize that it isn’t perfectly pristine homes and neat orderly lives that bring us contentment, satisfaction, and joy in this life.  But it is always—always—about relationships.  We wouldn’t trade any of our children for a neater, cleaner, less muddled home, a bigger bank account, a fancier kitchen or dining room, a sportier car, or a weed free lawn.  

Someone approached me (Tom) on Friday afternoon asking my wife and I what we were doing for the evening.  With two newborns and two other children under the age of five our Friday evenings are spent like every other night of the week—washing dishes, doing laundry, changing diapers, reading bedtime stories, and we pray watching a few of our favorite shows on our (non-flat-screen-non-cable) television.  And we wouldn’t trade those Friday nights for anything.  

I (Michael) spent my Friday night finalizing the words I was going to share for my grandmother’s funeral the following day.  Going out to dinner or to a movie or shopping didn’t matter to me.  What really mattered was honoring, in the best way I possibly could, my grandmother’s 96 years and the relationship we shared together. 

For both of us, as nice as many things and possessions may be, we know that we already have everything we really need—in relationships we share and cherish very much.  We truly have contentment.  While duct tape may hold many of our things together, its love that holds our lives together and there is nothing more we need.