Creating the Space

The coffee shop was busy.  Customers streamed in and out for their morning energy fix. Lattes, croissants, and teas went out the door. The din of bean grinders was continuous. The customers who stayed were often on their laptops, with earbuds in, diminishing the sounds around them, as they worked or read. 

We meet her at a corner table by a window. It’s where we’ve met her many times now. The location was her choice; we always give those to whom we listen a choice of where to meet. We know that a place where it’s most comfortable for them will help them to share what they need to share. The coffee shop, by the corner table, is most comfortable for her. The constant activity in and out and around us provided a cover for the sensitive conversation. It is noisy enough for what she shares to not be easily overheard. It is busy enough for most people to not be paying attention to us as we listened to her story.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash 

She is lonely in the new city where she has come to live and work. Her family lives several hours away, and she still hasn’t yet made any real friends in the months she has lived here. 

The activity in the coffee shop could make it difficult for us to listen. But our job is to tune out the surroundings and distractions and concentrate on what she has to say. It’s really not that hard when we’re intentional on listening to who’s across the small table from us. When we believe that Someone has something important they need to share, we can create a zone of safety that keeps out the distractions and enables us to concentrate on the conversation at hand.

We respond to what she has to say, asking some questions to go deeper into her feelings and experiences, validating them as real and significant to her, which they definitely are. We don’t judge her feelings and ideas. We don’t tell her what to do. We give her the space she needs to explore what’s on her heart and mind. We allow her to find the answers she might be looking for, herself, knowing that those answers are better accepted and taken to heart when they come from within. We answer her questions when she asks, allowing empathy to guide in our comments and responses. 

She ponders how long she should stay in her job. Its stresses are overwhelming at times. Her position there isn’t one she envisions holding forever, or even much longer. She isn’t fulfilled in the ways she thought she might be.The hours she works don’t make it easy to make new friends. She grieves being so far from the people who know her best, with whom she feels emotionally safest. She searches for meaning in this current loneliness. She reflects on who and what she wants to be, what her legacy might be. Does anyone really care about her? What will her impact on the world be? Will it matter? Does she matter?

We do our best to reassure that she does matter, that she does make an impact, that we certainly like and affirm the exceedingly thoughtful, kind, and intelligent person she is. We remind her that we are always ready to meet again, whenever she feels the need. We create the space for her to be safe, to explore, and to know that she is not alone on this journey of discovery and discernment.

We create the space. 

We know that the space will give her what she needs to find her way through all the noise, not only in the coffee shop, but the noise inside her heart, her head, and her spirit.